My son has been playing Minecraft for about 5 years. He taught himself, well, he got help along the way. His teachers were YouTubers, 2 groups on Discord, and his older brother, did I mention YouTube?
After slamming his bedroom door for the millionth time, he screamed at me, “You don’t understand me; step into my world, mom!”. That’s when it hit me: the understanding, not the door.
It was so simple. Why had I not thought of it earlier?
This was a moment of truth, and step in, I did!
The following day, I sat at my son’s desk and told him, “I’m ready, show me your world”. His fingers were dancing on the keyboard, and after a few seconds, we were in Minecraft. I could tell he didn’t know the game very well yet; he didn’t know precisely how to share that world with me, but he tried to hide his uncertainty. He was also very proud; he was teaching mom something she had no clue about. By all accounts, I’m what he likes to call a ‘boomer’ (I’m not that old, by the way!).
To be honest, it wasn’t love at first sight. The pixelated graphic on the screen bothered me. I had difficulty putting all the pixels back together to see the overall image. It sounds ridiculous, but that was the negative highlight of my first encounter with the game.
Then, trying to follow my son’s avatar, jumping, running, and going back and forth ALL OVER THE PLACE made me physically sick. After 10 minutes, I had to stop; I had terrible nausea. Eventually, I got better at handling the pixels, and he at teaching me. I got it. I saw the magic; I saw him.
This was another moment of truth; we had found each other.
Five years later, I’m about to log into Autcraft this time. Autcraft is a semi-private server offering autistic gamers a safe place to play Minecraft. His founder, Stuart Ducan (@AutismFather), created it in 2013 for his two sons so they could play without the danger of bullying or discrimination. Now 10 years later, with about 15,000 registered players and 1,200 monthly unique players, Autcraft has become a phenomenon. Many other Minecraft servers exist, so what’s different about Autcraft? Safety; each registered player is whitelisted. This means that their digital footprints are verified.
But I’m regressing… I was saying that…. Oh yes, I was about to log in to Autcraft.
This was it. 80%…90%…99% I was in.
The chat on the bottom left part of the screen was intimidating. It was not easy to distinguish the text from the game background. Right at the start, I was greeted, “Welcome, Cici_Sparkle!” and this is, without fail, how I’m greeted every time I come back. Then, I received a list of commands.
It was majestic. I don’t know much, but it must have taken thousands of hours to build. I just stood there, looking up. I tried to take it all in. I don’t think I had enough space in my mind to do that in one go.
I learned about Autcraft through others’ eyes, watching gameplay videos on YouTube, reading game reviews, and asking many questions. But even a thousand videos or articles couldn’t have prepared me for what I experienced.
In the chat, someone inquired about the new player. I only realised this because another player said, “Cici_Sparkle is the new player”. And right there, while in the spotlight, I made my first mistake. My finger (yes, not me) left-clicked and broke a block. This didn’t go unnoticed, and a player reacted on the spot, saying, “Hey! Sorry, but you can’t break that block here”. Petrified, I tried to apologise in the chat. It was my second mistake in what… 3 seconds? I mistyped my answer to read, “yep, it was intentional … sorry about that”, entirely omitting the word ‘no’! What was wrong with me?
To be honest, I was anxious. I was not at all at ease. In the Minecraft world, I felt like a toddler learning to walk in a porcelain shop! I became self-conscious. Many questions ran through my mind, like “Can I walk on the grass?” or “Did I destroy that flower when I stepped on it?” and finally, “I need to ask Stuart. I need to remember to ask Stuart”. Then I found a corner of paradise…. A library. The pages of the book even moved when I approached it.
Then, mistake #3. I fell into a hole near the rail tracks. My son had shown me how to break blocks to create steps and get out/in anywhere, but I couldn’t break blocks. I asked for help.
A player saw my message and taught me how to get out of any sticky situations just by returning to the Autcraft entrance. I learned my first command: /spawn.
I left the game ashamed, embarrassed and overwhelmed. I was crushed at the idea that maybe I had been rude. I thought: “Well done Cici_Sparkle, you already screwed things up”.
But I received my first lesson when I watched the recording to write my field notes:
Things are not always what they seem.
I had not screwed up anything. I had not been perceived as rude. Quite the contrary, from where I stood (outside the game), the players had been around me all along. Nobody left me alone. Everybody tried to guide me. I had just failed to see all the messages, hints, and signs because I was overwhelmed.
I have logged in many times since, and the more I visit this mesmerising place, the more it reveals itself.
The more it is home.
